The week started out on Sunday with the high school graduation of my nephew Nick.  It was so weird being back at East Noble.  We grilled out that evening and had a bonfire.  It can’t be a trip home without having an evening bonfire.  The week flew by, but we got in pretty much everything we wanted to do.  I got to hang out with Justin and Steph a couple times and see their great new house.  We went up to Amish-land and got some good food at the flea market.  Mainly I got to relax and spend time with family.

The week was capped off by a trip to the Blue Chip Casino in Michigan City.  My parents got us tickets to a show on Friday night called “Divas Las Vegas.”  I didn’t pay that much attention when I heard we were going… I just figured it was your normal Vegas singing and dancing show.  Just before going in I realized that it was actually a show where men dressed up as famous women singers, and lip-synced their songs while prancing around in all their drag-queen glory.  Best of all, we were in the front row.  It was quite an experience that I will not soon forget.  I can’t say I was a big fan of the show.  I am not super keen on watching anybody lip sync, whether it is a dude dressed up as a lady or not.  We spent the rest of the evening gambling in the casino, which translated into losing money.  My dad actually won $250 on a slot machine.  I never seem to be lucky, but it’s not like I gamble very often.
We headed back home on Saturday for my nieces tenth birthday.  This occasion was just another reminder of how old I am.  We usually miss her birthday, so it was really nice to be there for it. Saturday afternoon and evening we soaked in the last moments of spending time with family, and packed everything up to leave the next morning.

The drive back to Arkansas is usually pretty brutal.  For some reason it seems to take so much longer than the trip north.  We got an early start, and everything went pretty smoothly this time. We made it back home around 6:15.  I don’t even remember what I did the rest of that evening, but I am pretty sure I went to be early.

Monday it was back to work.  It is always tough to return to work after you have been out for any amount of time, especially an entire week.  All of the relaxation and calmness I had built up during my week off was gone by Monday afternoon, and I was left to wait for the coming weekend.  Now that Saturday is here it is tough for me to get motivated to do much of anything.  I knew it was going to be hot, so I woke up early and took the dogs for a walk.  By 8am it was already over 80 degrees and quite muggy.  We didn’t stay out for long.  I have been cleaning, doing laundry, and finally unpacking the suitcase that has been sitting in the bedroom all week.

I considered riding my bike this afternoon, but I stepped outside and changed my mind.  It is 90 now, and the air feels heavy and wet.  I think I will just stay in the AC.  I hate the heat of the summer. The US Open is on this weekend, and it is at Pebble Beach this year.  It makes me remember our trip to the Monterrey Peninsula, and how perfect the weather was there.  Someday if I become rich I might have to build a vacation home next to Pebble.  Then I can play golf all morning, and drive into Carmel to have some awesome chicken picatta at the Hog’s Breath Inn.

The passage of time is such an enigma; impossible to grasp or understand. Yet, it is also so very basic. It is constant. Each second that goes by is the exact same length as the one before it. However, even the concept of “a second” is something man-made and arbitrary. We have tried to apply something concrete and measurable to something that defies understanding. Time is the one thing we can’t have enough of, yet we struggle to know what to do with what we do have.

A writer once discouraged others from using the phrase “fast approaching” or “quickly approaching” in reference to time. His argument was that time always passes at the same rate. Any one moment can not approach you any faster than any other moment. Time always moves at the same rate. However, time is an undefined medium. Only our perception of it really matters. Depending on our state of mind, time can pass at very different rates. I don’t think anybody would argue with that. We have surely all felt an hour slip by as if it were no more than a minute. Likewise, we have all endured the 30 minutes that feel like an eternity. A writer can use words to convey a specific idea about the varying speeds in which time can pass. In our minds not all moments in life approach at the same rate.

As a child the school year seemed to last an eternity. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas felt like months rather than weeks. There were defined segments of the year, and they each had their own lazy way of walking up to meet us. In elementary school and even junior high the summers had a certain deliberate way about them. I would spend time raking hay in the fields as I listened to music through my earphones. I would read a book as I waited for the cows’ water tank to fill up. On hot summer days this could take 2 hours if they were up there waiting for a cold drink. As soon as the hose managed to get a couple inches of water standing in the 100 gallon tank a new group would come in and slurp it dry again. At these time I always wished that I was doing something else. I was stuck at my task, and time seemed to pass so slowly.

When we are kids it is almost like time is constantly playing a trick on us. When we are waiting in anticipation of a fun activity, time will slow to a crawl. When we finally get to the engage in said activity, time will race by. This perception makes it seem like we are always waiting. As children life seems to be an endless succession of waiting rooms, where we are constantly told to have patience. When we become adults, time cuts the brake lines and stomps the pedal to the floor. As our working lives begin, we get so wrapped up in everything that it is almost impossible to stop and smell the roses. This has happened to me and I didn’t even realize it. Things probably won’t slow down again until I retire, which seems like a lifetime away.

Now that the finale is over and all the questions that are ever going to be answered are out on the table I have to keep telling myself one thing.  It was a great journey, and you can’t let the ending take away from how much fun you had along the way.  There was no possible way to present an ending that would totally satisfy.  It just couldn’t have been done no matter how much time they spent on it.

I didn’t hate the finale.  I actually thought it was quite good.  It contained a lot of the things that made the series great at the beginning; a lot of the things that had been missing over this past season and a half.  It gave us explanation without spoon feeding us answers.  I’m not saying I liked all the answers we got, but they were at least presented in a way that felt mostly organic.  I liked some of the season 1 flair that was thrown in.  But the finale was far from perfect for me.

Most of the “mistakes” in the show are entirely forgivable, and the vast majority of viewers won’t dwell on it.  However, I am not as forgiving as most.  It is understood that the mythology and plot are primarily there to offer a backdrop for the character growth and development.  I am fine with that, but you cannot focus so much attention on the mythology, providing clues along the way, then never have it amount to anything.  We find out early on that the island has power.  What is this power?  It is electromagnetism?  It is the power to heal?  It is the power to travel through space and time?  The power of the island was THE mystery from the beginning.  Last night we see that it all comes from a hole in the ground with a rock in it.  If you take the rock out, the power is gone.  I didn’t expect to learn all about the origins of the island, but you have to give me something more than a rock in a hole.  The rock in the hole is arbitrary.  I understand that.   It doesn’t matter.  However, it should at least have some meaning in the context of the show.

This is a long one, keep truckin’…….

This series has presented us with an underground hatch that releases the island’s built-up energy; an underground wheel that can move the island in space and time; a gigantic 4-toed statue that served no purpose other than to house the island’s curator; a temple with a magic pool that could bring back the dead; a magic box that could give you anything you desired; an underground toilet that would summon the smoke monster when flushed; and finally an underground hole with a rock in it that somehow was the origin of all the island’s power.  None of it means anything.  We have no context for how any of this worked, or why.  These are all details in a larger story; a story that promised us wonder and amazement.  Well, I didn’t get that from the finale at all.  The over-arching story turned out to be much simpler than the evidence would have suggested.  They took us to a under-stated, almost lackluster destination, but chose a very complex and convoluted path to get us there.  I enjoyed the journey very much, but cannot say I was extremely happy with the ending.  And when I say ending I am not only talking about the final show, I am talking about the entire final season and all the events that led up to the climax.  

The underlying strength of LOST was always the characters.  They started with archetypes, and were molded into people.  The characters are why we loved the show, but the mythology is what got us excited.  The ending had to address both of these sides of the series.  To me the ending felt pretty cheap.  We watched these people endure hardships and losses.  Our sympathy went out to them.  In the end, they devised a way to give us our cake complete with a ton of sweet frosting. How can anybody really “hate” a finale that shows loved one reunited?  While I liked to see these people finally together and happy, it all felt like a bastardization of the show we once loved.  The mythology was used as a vehicle to give the relationship fans a “satisfying” conclusion, while at the same time not explaining or tying back much of the mysteries.  If you didn’t like it you seem like a jerk for not wanting these characters to be happy.

Before this post gets too incredibly long I guess I should tell you what happened, or at least my version of it.  It was slightly confusing at first, but I don’t feel like there was much left up to interpretation.  There are still some point that don’t seem to make sense, or I don’t understand, but those are details….

Everything that happened on the island was real.  “What happened, happened.”  The plane really crashed.  They really discovered a hatch and pushed the button.  They really traveled through time.  They really fought the smoke monster.   Hurley really took over as protector of the island.  It was not a dream or an afterlife.  They didn’t die in the crash.  They didn’t imagine it all.  It all really took place and the island ended up killing most of them.  Those that survived went on to live out their lives, whether it be on the island or back in LA.

When we saw them trying to blow up the h-bomb in order to change the future… it didn’t work.  There were unsuccessful is destroying the pocket of energy, and it still ended up crashing their plane in 2004.  There is a bit of a time loop paradox that still doesn’t make total sense, but I am not gong to dwell on that too much.  The alternate universe that we have been watching all season is not the result of having blown up the hatch.  Nothing that happened in the flash-sideways was “real”.  This universe is not occurring in parallel time like we thought it was.  This universe is independent of time, and all of our favorite characters are actually dead.  They just don’t know it until they see the memories from the lives.  The specifics of this universe I do not understand.  I do not know why Jack had a son. I do not know why they spent so much time showing it to us in this final season.  I seemed to be a way to show the characters achieving redemption.  In real life, few of them had the opportunity for redemption.

So, if the bomb did not create this “other place”, then what did?  I think the relationships and love that these people shared somehow set up this place where they could all meet up before moving on to eternity.  They needed that. Even if Kate and the crew on the plane lived out their lives and died decades after Jack, this “in-between world” still gave them a place to meet up before continuing on into the afterlife.  While they were living they never had the opportunity to connect like they should have.  In death they needed to have that chance before they could “let go”. The writers had said that the island was not a purgatory.  However, that is exactly what the flash sideways world was.  The ethereal nature of that revelation detracted from the rest of the story that took place.

There were a ton of things that didn’t get answered by the finale. I was expecting unanswered questions. I wrote a post before the season started listing the main points I wanted resolved.  Most of them were answered, but those revelations didn’t have near the impact I expected them too.  Just like the entire final season, it just felt… meh.

As a huge fan of the series I reserve the right to be critical of it.  I have sang its praises for many seasons.  In the end, I didn’t think it lived up to hype that was built.  Maybe I will continue to think about it and like it more and more, but right now I feel disappointment.  If the writers had this ending planned from the beginning, then it seems like they were being kinda arrogant by throwing all that other crap at us.  The overall story, and how it was all woven together wasn’t nearly as tight as I thought it would be.  Still, it is the best show I have ever seen on television, and will likely remain that way for years.  It was definitely a fun ride. 

I don’t have a problem with the story that is being told. There is no way I could have planned out and written a better ending for the plot. My problem is with the execution. Aside from the great characters and writing, LOST was so good at telling the story. The way the events have played out over the past 20 episodes has been a mess. Back in the day I loved analyzing everything that was presented to us, and thinking about what it could all mean. I listened to podcasts that talked about the show and how everything connected. This past season I have only had brief moments of interest like that. This season I have stopped listening to the podcasts. I have stopped even getting excited for the new episodes. I watch because I want to know what is going to happen, but I no longer really care about it. We are getting answers to the questions we so badly wanted to get, but they are being presented in a way that is completely anti-climactic.

I want nothing more than to be totally blown away by tomorrow’s finale. I am not expecting it though. There is nothing they can do that would really make up for how they have blundered through the story this season. Even if there is an awesome ending, I cannot forgive the writers/directors for the path they have taken to get there. The series had such strong roots. Everybody who watched had attachments to the characters in one way or another. This season effectively disconnected me from everything I had seen over the past 5 years, and wasted all that time I had spent getting to know these people.

When LOST first came on TV I refused to watch it. After season 4 was over I was urged to watch the first few episodes and give it a shot. Over the next 8 to 10 weeks me and my wife had watched every episode. I was blown away by it. I went from scoffing at the show to becoming one of its biggest fans. Now I feel somewhat betrayed. The magic that hooked me on this show has disappeared. I almost feel ashamed for defending the show as much as I did. Tomorrow should feel like an amazing event in television history. It should feel bitter sweet. However, right now it just feels bitter. I thought I would feel like I am saying goodbye to a friend who is moving away. Instead I feel like I am euthanizing a once playful dog that now needs to be put out of its misery.

I have this feeling of restlessness, but no motivation to actually get up and be active. During the work week I long for the weekend. I feel like I have so much I want to accomplish. When I really think about it, the only thing I want to accomplish is doing nothing. I really need have better purpose for my time on the weekend. It doesn’t help that I have been on a streak of disappointing weekend circumstances. As you probably already know, my allergies have been heinous this spring. I have been pretty much eliminated for outdoor activity, lest I want to feel like total crud for a couple days following. My allergies have subsided in the last few weeks, but 2 weekends ago I was really sick. Last weekend, and this weekend so far, have been rained out. I have been stuck inside, and I am starting to get a little bit stir crazy.

Usually being stuck inside isn’t a bad thing for me. Once again, as you probably already know, I love watching films. I could watch movies all day long and be okay with that. Well, even I have my limit. Sometimes I am just not in the mood to sit and watch a 2-hour movie, and lately I feel like I have been reaching that limit. The entire duration my mind wanders and I think about what I could be accomplishing while I sit idle. Another indoor activity that I enjoy engaging in… writing. If my mind isn’t occupied by something else, it is likely I am “writing” in my head. I constantly think about how to phrase things, and what words go together well. It is a bit odd don’t you think?

No matter how badly I want to write, lately I haven’t been able to write. I might describe it as writer’s block, but writer’s lack-of-inspiration is a more apt phraseology. I started this blog, along with my film site, in order to foster a hobby and give an outlet for the constant stream of words that run through my head. Writing should be a fun task that doesn’t consume a huge amount of time. Lately it has been more of a chore. I will watch a movie then feel the burden of having to write about it. When I try to sit down and write my brian suddenly is empty. My fingers cannot hit the keys in any sequence that would not result in my reader being sickened with boredom. I hate that feeling. That feeling is starting to creep in right now as I compose these very sentences.

The most frustrating thing about trying to write is the realization of how inconsequential this all is. I have no clue why I want to write. I just do. I have no clue if anybody will read it, I just feel the need to put stuff out there. I realize that I will probably never make a dollar from anything I write, but I don’t really care. There is no quantifiable value to me spending time writing this blog. There is even less value for you to spend time reading this blog. Why do we do it? Why do people write blogs, and why do so many people read them?

Most writers may have a good explanation for why they write. I have none. I don’t know why I do it. I will say that I have sporadically kept a journal for several years. I find it extremely entertaining to go back and read things that I wrote just 5 years ago. I imagine myself as an old man pulling up this site and reading one of my blog posts with my grandchild. I guess that is why I do it. At that moment in the way distant future I won’t give a shit what I wrote. It will only matter that it is there, and my 27 year-old self will be somehow captured in these words. That actually sounds pretty lame, but I don’t care.

If you author a blog let me know why you do it.  What is your motivation behind writing?  What makes you want to keep up with it? When you don’t write for a while do you feel guilty?  Do you force yourself to write even when you don’t want to?

If you know me very well, you realize I am actually a pretty shy person. I will not command a room, or go out of my way to talk to a neighbor. I have never been one for small talk; I would rather have a meaningful conversation than engage in pointless banter. I am quiet when I meet new people, or when I am in moderately sized groups. In my personal life these attributes are pretty much without consequence. However, my introverted nature is proving to be a liability in my career. As an engineer I got away with it. I wasn’t expected to be “Mr. Outgoing”. As long as I could communicate effectively on a technical level I was good to go. Now that I am on the business side of things I am expected to be more friendly. My job performance no longer depends on my critical thinking ability. Now I have to be nice.

This is actually a good thing for me. Lately I have been making an effort to just generally be a more positive person. Over the past few years I have somehow become a really cynical person. I don’t know if was my entrance into corporate America, or my hobby of film criticism; but I was becoming bitter. I always saw myself as an optimist, but I could not deny the fact that negativity was getting the best of me. Hopefully I caught it early, and I am on the path of reformation.